Hmmmm. Why does one blog? Does one blog to have their fifteen minutes of fame? Does one blog to while away the hours ("conversin' with the flowers"...oops, Wizard of Oz moment...watch for those movie moments)? To avoid doing something else - like running - which is what I'm avoiding right now - or to get "stuff" off their chests? I don't really know. What I do know is that I've started., like, 2,000 journals in my 41 almost 42 years of life and never stuck to one of them. Not that I didn't stick to journaling, I can't seem to be tied down to one media.
So now, I'm blogging.
Only this one is kinda public.
Why I think anyone in the vast interweb universe will be interested in my blog and my verbal junk is beyond me. I don't think they will.
But someone might.
And if no one does, this will just be another way to jot down my thoughts, feelings and I don't know...verbal junk.
What this blog WILL NOT do:
It's easier to start with what the blog won't do:
1. This blog will not solve all the world's ills. If you're here looking for that, you will be sorry ("...very very sooorry" - Dan Ackroyd - Trading Places).
2. Solve all your ills - see #1
3. Teach you to cook - I am a pretty good cook. Probably more than pretty good, but let's leave it there for now. I'll be listing recipes and reviews of things I've made (pix maybe if I can figure out how) but please don't expect to learn to cook from what I've said. I'm not a professional. BUT! Do feel free to try anything I post. If my recipes inspire people to give a cooking a shot - bueno!
4. Teach you to be funny - I will try to be funny (did stand up twice...might do it again someday) but have no idea how I decide on what's funny. Trust me, I've put my foot in my mouth so many times that I have a permanent taste for slipper - bleach!
5. Teach you to be strong! I don't mean physically strong, I mean that mental strength that people think I am overflowing with. There's lots of C R A P in my life (who doesn't have any?) and I seem to be dealing with it (read: haven't run off a cliff yet). Don't know how.
What this blog WILL (hopefully) do:
Enough with the negative:
1. Make you laugh. First and foremost - I hope you laugh (not dance as the song says, but dancing is good too). I hope you laugh a lot. Laughing is what I can do...and I can make you laugh too. Laughing is how I get through tough spots I get myself into (wait until my flirting posts!). Laughing is how we (my dear husband - heretofore known as Aha) and I get through the C R A P.
2. Make you hungry - see above for the cooking part - there will be lots of references to food (eating, making, etc) here so you might want to have a snack handy.
3. Make you think. Seriously, if you don't, while reading my posts, stop to think at least once, I am not a very good writer.
4. Give you a break from your C R A P (I capitalize them because one of my friends and I discuss it that way - all letters one at a time. It's effective). A really good movie (in my opinion) takes you away enough that you don't a) look at your watch to see how long you have left; and b) gives you a break from everything: your emotional or physical pain, your life...just a break. I hope this blog does that too.
O.K. got almost all the housekeeping out of the way - let's finish it...
1. Any view written here is mine. All mine. You may share it, but I will take responsibility for what I write here. No one told me to write it and no one else is responsible for it. Me. Mine. Alone.
2. If you "use" any of my thoughts as your thoughts, don't be a tool - give me the credit for it. Any of my former students know how I feel about plagiarism. I'd fail you on my blog if I could.
3. I can be snarky. I know...you're shocked. But it's true. Mom said that sarcasm isn't "attractive" but this is as cute as I'm going to get. Deal with it.
4. I have opinions - see #1. I have 'em and I'm not afraid to state 'um.
5. The bathrooms are located wherever they are where you're reading this. Please locate them and try not to disturb others when you get up to use them.
6. Yes, that's what I look like. I toyed with the idea of Kermit the Frog as my photo, but then I remembered copyright laws. I thought about not putting a picture up there. But then I remember how irritating it is to me when bloggers don't have their own photo up there. Really? Really. You're going to spew your thoughts out into the interweb and not show your face? (Get ready for first opinion...here it comes...). Coward. If you say it - own it.
I think that's really it.
So now, I'm wondering if I should go running. Probably not. Be right back (or BRB for those fluent in interweb shorthand). Putting on other clothes (other than my jammies) and heading downstairs to get said coffee. We'll reconvene there.
10 minutes means 10 minutes people. Please be back in your seats and ready to go in 10 minutes. Thank you.
Cue break music - choose your own - but only for 10 minutes.
Welcome to the garden. Yep - our garden (pictures once I know how, or care) is where Aha and I sit and read the paper and have coffee. Sometimes general rock music is on - if it's Sunday morning, Breakfast with the Beatles is on (google Breakfast with the Beatles - it's hosted by Chris Carter on KLOS 95.5 FM here in LA - you can stream it - and should). He comes out here to write (music and lyrics mostly) and have his cigars. We love it.
Let's see is there any other intro information that is needed? Hmmmm. I can't think of any, but I enabled the comments box. Fire away - I'll try to answer as many of them as I see fit (remember, my blog, my rules).
Oh yeah, speaking of my blog, my rules, an important disclaimer:
Don't try to sell anything here - I'll delete it
Don't be mean - I'll delete it
Have something less than wonderful to say about my post (remember, my opinions) be tactful, be nice - if you're nasty or rude - I'll delete it
O.K. I think that's it for the opening rules and what not.
So thanks for coming...
Oh drat! I need a good sign off. This is where my being visual is a drag - I have a special wave for when I get off a stage - no matter what I'm speaking about; but not a non-verbal one.
Let's try this out for size:
Continue being a people that need people,
D.
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