Saturday, July 24, 2010

When did I become an acronym?

So, turns out, I'm an acronym. I thought I had been able to avoid them all, but it's true. According to a FB friend of mine, I'm a PANK.

What is a PANK you ask? Why, I'll tell you.


I'm not so sure I love this. But, what I do love is that someone out there has developed a brand around it called Savvy Auntie. I do dig the concept of being a Savvy Auntie.

Truth be told, I'm a pretty fabulous Auntie. Number 1, I've had fabulous examples to work from. I have four actual Aunties that I love to pieces. Secondly, I am a student of the Auntie Mame school of how to be an Auntie. Thirdly, when it comes to kids, I seem to have the patience of a saint. Maybe it's because I never had my own kids running around asking the same questions a million times in a row. Maybe not. Maybe I was born that way. One of my adopted Aunties (heretofore known as just Aunties, it's irrelevant whether they are blood related or not) came up with the only reason that makes any sense about why Aha and I weren't able to have our own kids and thus I have so much patience with kids.

Auntie B thinks that in my prior lives (all of them) I had tons of kids. They were everywhere in every life. She thinks that I only agreed to come to this life if I didn't have any of my own.

Now, as someone who would have given her eye teeth for the ability to have her own kids, and as someone who has been diagnosed as "Unexplained Infertility" by well respected Doctors such as Dr. H., I will GLADLY take this explanation as the reason that my uterus kicked out the embryos.

Hey, you got a better one? Send it on.

So, PANK. Hm...the jury is out on how I feel about that. But I will tell you this. I am a(n):

Auntie to 11 (two of which kind of look like me!!!)
Great Auntie to 20
Great Great Auntie to 2
Adopted Auntie to more than I can count

Why is it good to be an Auntie? Here are some of my reasons:

1. You can tell anything to an Auntie and she will keep it secret - from everyone (unless your physical health is concerned, but then she'll handle it delicately to protect you as best she can)
2. You can call your Auntie whenever you want for whatever reason you want.
3. You can call your Auntie to come get you from wherever you are, having done whatever you've done, with whomever you've done it with and she will come get you and take you home with her, tell your parents where you are and not discuss it until the morning.
4. You can have dessert for lunch with your Auntie (most times)
5. She loves all your school pictures and wants them every year please
6. You can ask your Auntie the same thing over and over and she'll never tire of it
7. You can ask your Auntie ANYTHING about ANYTHING even if you are so embarrassed to ask you can barely get the words out of your mouth and she'll always answer and never tease you about the question and will tell you the truth when she answers.
8. You can call your Auntie and complain about your parents and she will listen (and sometimes might even agree!)
9. You can sleep at your Aunties house when you want - all you have to do is call and ask
10. You can make mistakes with your Auntie and she will not yell at you about them - EVER.

So what does this all mean? Does it make up for not being able to have my own kids?


But, what it does do is give me that feeling of "I love you more than anyone else" for the short time that the kids are with me.

And that is something that an Auntie can't pass up.
Auntie Dena.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

But one of your answers was....

One of the cool things about summer is the weekly concert that the Today Show puts on each Friday.

A few weeks ago on the Today Show, there was quite a flurry. Well, was it a flurry? More like a sighting. No, not that either. What occurred on the Today Show today can only be described as a Beatle-like event.

Oh, do I wish that I was here to tell you that the Fab Four reunited (and in some cases rose from the dead) and re-debuted with Matt Lauer, but I'm not.

What I'm here to tell you is that a young man named Justin Bieber performed with his band, back up singers and dancers right on the 30 Rock stage. It was awesome to see the fans gather around this teenager who was singing his heart out. The best part was the young girls ('girls' used intentionally) reaction. They were absolutely glued to every word he sang. My very favorite girl was on the side (good standing area, but on the side right near the stage). Every time Justin came anywhere near this girl; and he came within 10 feet for sure; he'd reach his arm out similar to the famous Sistine Chapel art, and she would reach back.

Ah, it was that moment, that "please-just-please-grab-my-hand-and-the-world-will-be-perfect-because-we'll-be-together" moment that I loved best.

Why? Simple.

I was that girl.

Plainly put, I was that girl who thought that if my favorite singer of the moment, and there were a string of them, would swoop in and sweep me up, life would be practically perfect.

When I was 14 or 15, I got my wish. Sort of.

I was very lucky to have the opportunity to go watch a music game show called The Pop 'N Rocker Game be filmed fairly regularly. All the big stars of the day were on: Oingo Boingo, The Bangles, Motley Crue, Tower of Power, Huey Lewis & The News and Culture Club to name just a few. It was hosted by none other than Bowzer from Sha Na Na; but his real persona hosted, Jon Bauman.

So, I had an angel that looked after me and made sure that I was there for great performances. One day my friend and I were at a taping of the show and there we were minding our own business when Bowzer, um, Jon announced the name of the second band that was going to perform that minute (two performed one each show).

Side note - I'm a kid of the eighties, KROQ's (Roq of the 80's) heyday, KMET's great years (tweedle dee!) and the grand years of the Sherman Oaks Galleria (like totally fur sure!). I mean, Valley Girl and Fast Times at Ridgemont High were filmed mere miles from where I lived. So, when the 80's music came to fruition, I was right in there. I liked 'em all, really, but one more than others:

Sparks. They were the bees knees. To top it off, was sure that if Russell Mael (lead singer) married me, life would cease to have any problems whatsoever.

So, imagine my total shock and surprise when Jon Bauman announced that Sparks were right here on the very stage I was standing in front of!

I think my brain exploded inside my head. I know that every atom in my body clenched and then tried to head out via my skin. I simply, and in technical terms, freaked out.

There they were...Ron (my hopefully future brother in law) and Russel Mael. Russell was singing his heart out; and I knew, it was only for me. I was so clear about this that as soon as he came near me, that arm went out.

The same arm that girl held out to Justin Bieber. But!!! Unlike Justin who did not bring this girl any closer to her dream, Russell knew that I was there for him. I was there to be brought on stage to be with him.

And that is exactly what he did.

He led me up the stairs to the stage and there I was dancing my little heart out next to the man of my dreams.

But wait...who were these other girls? He led more than on of them up after me. Well, they were significantly incorrect if they thought that they were going to move in on my man, well they'd have to go through me to do it.

So I moved them over, ever so gently I'm sure, and kept my eyes on Russell. The song ended and I knew this was it. This was my moment for my big move. Do I propose outright? No, I didn't have a ring. Do I profess my love in words? No, we didn't have enough time. So I did what any smart, young woman on a mission to snag the one she loved would do.

I planted one heck of a kiss right on his mouth.

Right there, right on the kisser.

I don't regret it for one minute. It was, to that point in life, one of the greatest moments of my life.

Cut to 25ish years later and Russell Mael is on a radio show that Aha and I listen to. So what do I do?

Yep, I call in. And what do I ask?

Yep, did he remember me from 1984. I remembered him, why wouldn't he?

So, dear girl at the Justin Bieber show, keep holding out your hand for one day, someone will grab it. Then make sure to give them on heck of a smooch on the kisser. You'll never regret it.

You're going to take a walk in the rain and you're going to get wet.
I predict,

p.s. Yes, it exists both on video tape and DVD. You can make your checks payable to me for a private viewing. ; )