Sunday, July 28, 2013

From the files of: You get to have a kid and I don't????

This "From the files of:" will be a regular feature here in that I really like to point out how unfair life can be that Aha and I didn't get to have our own children.

Let me first explain what this "From the files of" IS NOT:

* A forum for you to tell me that we should have adopted
* A forum for you to tell me that if we wanted kids badly enough we would have adopted (real life sentence said to me)
* A place (new word) for you to tell me that God only gives us what we can handle
* That "everything happens for a reason" and;
* That "if it was meant to be...."

Only when I have this kind of clear evidence do I feel like I have a right to bitch publicly about this unfairity (new word?), or unequal passing out of life events.

Don't like my rules?

Don't read the blog.

Back to the issue at hand today.
Let me set the scene - I walk into Ralphs on Coldwater Canyon and Magnolia Blvd. There, the scene is set.

A little girl, no older than 3 with a pink shirt, blue shorts, flip flops, a gold tiara that says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", brown long pony tails on either side of her head and eating a croissant bigger than her head walks right up to me and says:

"Where is my mommy?"

No kidding. That's exactly what happened.

So, I launch into action.

"Wow...where IS your mommy...hum. Well, let's find her" I said. Little croissant girl (LCG) in tow, I turn around to face the first Ralphs employee I see and say: "Hi...we have a lost Mommy here. Can you help us find her lost Mommy?".

If the story didn't get W O R S E later this would be the worst part.

The Raphs Employee (RE) turns to me and says, "Oh, she's still here. She was just here." and with a huge smile turns to walk away.

"Um, no..." I start to say and RE turns around back to face me.

"Where is her mom now?" I begin to ask. "Can we go do something to look for her Mom now?" I ask. "She's still here" RE says AGAIN! Unbelievable.

I could have walked out with this kids long long ago.

So, I give up on RE and say to LCG, "let's go find your mommy." LCG nods her head and we start off. But before we can get anywhere, before we can take step #1, Green Shirt Stupid Friend (GSSF) shows up. "Oh, she's with me. She's with us. Really." GSSF said loudly from an aisle away.

"What?" I ask. What the hell is happening here. GSSF comes to LCG and puts her adult hand on LCG's little childlike shoulder. Immediately I kneel down to LCG and say, "Do you know this woman?" thinking, I'm not leaving this kid in just anyone's hand. Surely someone is missing this child, right???

LCG doesn't respond to me but backs away from GCCF and keeps saying, "where is my mommy?".

Then GCCF says the most amazingly stupid thing I could think to say -  no I never would have thought to say this. GCCF says:

"Don't worry, If I didn't know her I wouldn't want to claim her".

My mouth must have dropped open because she followed that winner up with:

"No really, I'm her mom's friend, it's o.k."

As I kneel down to start the search for LCG's Mommy again, I said, "Um, she heard that..." which didn't seem to phase ANYONE.

LCG and I start to walk towards the produce area looking down the aisles - keep in mind please - GCCF L E T  M E  W A L K  A W A Y  W I T H  L C G - and when we get to the second isle, LCG looks down and screams, "There's my mommy!!!".

We walk down the isle towards the woman in the pink shirt (MOM) and I see that MOM clearly recognizes LCG and LCG has found MOM and is comfortable that she really is her Mommy.

I begin to walk away and muttering under my breath, "and I don't get to have children???" I stop and remember the boy in the carseat in the car by himself while Mom shopped in a store nearby in Maui.

When Aha and I joined friends in Maui this past April, while walking around this little artsy town we came across a four door car; windows open (it was hot and muggy that day) and a 2ish-3ish year old boy in a car seat - strapped in.


I was not walking away from this. Aha and our friends were sure Mom and/or Dad were around, but I wasn't leaving. Aha realized that we were sticking this out and that he just might have to bail me out of jail if I beat someone up over this.

We waited for 2 minutes, maybe 3 and then while my blood was totally boiling over I walked across the street into the store and said to the clerk behind the counter, "Um, do you know who that car belongs to? There's a kid in there and the windows are open and no sign of adults around."

As I finished my sentence, a youngish woman popped her head from around a body about 6 feet away from me and said, "that's my car - I'm right here, I'm watching him."

Uh Muh are SOOOOOOO NOT watching your kid!!!! Is what I wanted to yell. Instead what I said was,

"Um, there's no one there and he's all alone...".

"I can see him from here" she said. At that moment, I knew that I should walk away; I was shaking and if I stayed any longer, there would need to be bailing me out of jail and that would really have ruined a nice vacation. I was shaking with anger.

Back to today. I remembered that kid and my vow to not be passive about mentioning to people that there kids were unattended.

I turned around and walked back down the isle to MOM and LCG where GSSF was joining them while presumably telling MOM the story in their native language, which I didn't understand and is not  part of the point here, and said,

"She came up to me and said, 'where is my mommy'."

'Thank you" MOM said with such disdain bail money was almost needed again. "She was with her" and points to GSSF.

"No," I began, voice steady, fists clenched, "she wasn't. She was all alone and said 'where is my mommy?' She didn't know where you were and was getting upset."

"Thank you" MOM said again - same level of disdain.

Realizing that my options were limited at this point, I turned and headed back to the produce section to get my limes.

After checking out, I decided to let the Ralphs Manager (RM) know how the RE had reacted when I told her about LCG. Here I am, thinking that this Manager is going to get lit up about this, take it seriously and be shocked by my story.


RM listened to my story, nodding occasionally and finally asked if I could tell him which RE it was. I did my best, but got back to saying things like, "I would have thought that my saying 'this little girl is looking for her Mommy' would be trigger words for your employee to launch into action. I could have walked out of the store with this girl and your employee wouldn't have known."

No reaction from RM.

Morale of the story?

Don't know.

Watch your freaking kids! You had 'em, it's your job!!! MOM was so lucky that LCG came to me and not to some unbalanced person who was looking for a little girl of her/his own to not love and not take care of.

Kids come to me often and talk to me. I realize that Parents are trying to teach their kids not to talk to strangers and so I try not to encourage it unless there is a parent around. But when they walk directly up to me and say, 'Where's my mommy?" I am moving in.

I'm so very glad that this woman got to have kids. I'm sure she's so happy and cherishes them daily.